Inside Thoughts

Now children… let’s use our inside voices.

Lately, I’ve been using more free will… I think that’s the right term?

If I get an itch to do something and it's not too inconvenient and, of course, can’t be mean… 7 out of 10 times I’m going to do it.

Mostly because I don’t know if there is another time in my life when it’s widely acceptable to make mistakes… or be loud.

For example, I have a darling friend who wants a boyfriend… So I saw a relatively cute guy walking towards us, and I thought about asking for his number for my friend.

I kid you not, I turned on my heel, walked toward him, stuck out my hand, and said, “Hi, I’m Alivia, you’re really cute… I also have a cute single friend.”

Unfortunately, during that handshake, I didn’t feel his wedding band, and he showed me his ring. And you know, I wasn’t even embarrassed. I just shrugged and said, “Congratulations!”

My professor, who watched the whole thing, said no damage was done. I’m not embarrassed, and the guy left feeling like a million bucks with a story to tell his wife.

Looking back, I’m glad that the inside thought didn’t stay inside.

I know being vulnerable isn’t hard for me. I’m constantly oversharing.

I write songs about not feeling pretty and blogs about being lonely and throw them in the world just so others who might be in my shoes don’t feel that way, too.

Sometimes I feel like I throw out this facade that I’m loud and always upbeat, and for the most part, I am.

I just… I hate sad people. err. hmm. I mean the emotion, not the person. And I always want to be the person in a room who is kind of the relief, never a downer.

I’ve really gotten to be great at it, I think, at school.

But when I get to know people, I start to feel the upbeat slide. I get comfortable, start to feel safe, and I start saying the crueler inside thoughts I also have…. And I don’t really love that.

I also think, as much as we don’t like to admit it… or maybe people do admit this…

We do act differently around different groups of people. One moment we are loud, the next we are quiet…. It’s all very exhausting for me.

I really just want to be me the whole time, and I think that starts with listening more to my nice inner thoughts. And acting on them.

To somehow wrap this tangent up in a bow, with something you could possibly take away… (and you know how I adore giving unsolicited advice.)

Be unafraid to do good and listen to your kind inner thoughts.

Acting on kind impulses can lead to meaningful moments.

Hey, that was sort of profound, eh?

Until next blog,