BOYS BEWARE — I’m a Songwriter

lions and tigers and girls with guitars! oh my!

I’ve had a bit of writer’s block as of late.

Every time I pick up the guitar, nothing comes to mind. The chords are uninspiring, the song titles I have backlogged aren’t sparking anything, and the songs I do write are soulless and generic and don’t feel like my true emotions.

(So much for being a finalist in the John Lennon and ISC songwriting awards.)

After struggling to come up with something for 20 minutes, this odd fear I have of not being able to write another good song climbs up my throat and chokes me. And I keep thinking, “Have I peaked?!”

I know realistically I haven’t, but sometimes it feels like the skill of writing songs goes on vacation when I need it to have permanent residency in my brain. It cannot leave. Ever.

But it does.

And I’ve been thinking about why I don’t have anything to write about. I think the reason comes down to this: I have no drama in my life right now.

No boy-toy muse.
No disagreements with friends.
I’m not wrestling with God.

It’s oddly uneventful. Just routine.

And let’s be clear — I hate, hate drama in my life. But I love it for songwriting. My best songs come from the messiest times in my life.

But since my life is uneventful, I’m using tactics from adolescence.

1. Having to write about other people’s lives. I’m back to writing about my siblings’ love lives… but they are all blissfully married now, and I don’t feel like writing love songs about their relationships or a song about fighting over who is doing the laundry.

2. Having to write about imaginary things again, like I’m back to being 12, and it just doesn’t hit the same. For some reason, it was much more fun to imagine a boy knocking on my window at 13 than it is at 22… (can’t imagine why).

3. Having to write about pop culture, I have. In fact, imagine watching trashy TV for the first time in your life just for some inspiration. The songs are about as good as you think.

And to be fair, you can only write so many songs about the world or other things before your heart starts beating for what all great authors and sonnets eventually circle back to:

Love.

Or, more specifically…

I’M CRAVING A LOVE DISS SONG.

I’m craving the chance to air out dirty laundry and the mean things a guy said to me.

I’m desperately craving the opportunity to overanalyze my thoughts over a mediocre man who can’t open the door to save his life.

And you’re probably thinking, “Alivia, just write a song based on that.”

Well yes, I can. But I’m telling you, if I experience it personally, the song will be 100x better.

That’s honestly why I have the worst dating stories. Sometimes I look at men and think of them as potential content for my songwriting. A means to an end.

I am country pop with bite.

And… yeah, I know. I sound a little psycho.
(Or really brilliant.)

But why do you think I never have a boyfriend? I’m not putting a guy through that just so I have endless content. I’m psycho, remember — not heartless.

And yes, I have written a song about needing a mediocre man just so I can write a song about him. It’s okay… it still needs some tweaking.

But I have exhausted all the other emotions I’m facing right now and all the people I know — hence the writer’s block. Or the uninspiration I’m having.

Unfortunately, to break it I may have to:

Find a guy and ask him increasingly weird questions until he says something odd.

Shoot my shot with a guy so far out of my league that he has no choice but to ghost me.

Or convince myself I’m somehow the victim.

Actually… ew. I’m not that desperate.

I think.

Maybe this is all a little too villainous… (wink wink).

Ugh. Please pray for me. I’m going to need it.

Until next blog,