Everything You Need to Know Before Dating Me (A Flag Guide)
Blog / Scrapbook Entry No. 7
I really wanted to do a light-hearted, funny blog post this week.
After the hard week the country — and especially my hometown of Utah — has had, I think we could all use some good, old-fashioned self-deprecating humor.
So look no further: I present to you my red, beige, and green flags.
(Warning: this list contains extreme biases and should not be taken seriously by anyone, including me.)
Red Flags
Hadfield “Jargon”
I come with my own personal dictionary, brought to you by my family. “Pontificate,” “pertinent,” “flipper,” and “that dog don’t hunt” are all common vocabulary for me. If you hang out with me long enough, you’ll start using them too — no translations provided.
Songwriting Therapy
If you date me, you will absolutely end up in a song. It’s not a threat; it’s just who I am. Sometimes the song is sweet, sometimes it’s sad, sometimes it’s a roast — and sometimes it’s all three. Consider yourself warned.
Dilly-Dally Lover
I love a good dilly-dally. Wandering outside when I should be editing, staring out the window instead of answering emails… a little procrastination never killed anybody…. probably.
I Will Die on That Hill
If I feel strongly about something, there’s a 99% chance I will go down swinging for it — even if I later realize I was totally wrong. It’s not that I like arguing (okay, sometimes I do), but I love being passionate. Good luck changing my mind.
Crafting Crisis
When I’m stressed, I craft. And not like, a casual Pinterest DIY. I mean serious smash-book sessions, ripped-paper collages, and full-scale bedazzling operations. I will not sleep until the project is complete, and I will probably leave glitter everywhere.
Full-On Fangirl
TOM WELLING will forever be my first love!!!! Jensen Ackles is a close second. I don’t make the rules — my heart does. Unfortunately, that means this is the standard every man will now be compared to. (Manifesting my future husband looks like Clark Kent)
Superman + Comics Obsession
I am not a casual fan. I will talk for hours about Smallville, James Gunn’s DC plans, and why certain Superman storylines deserved better. I own comics, I have theories, and I will happily rope you into all. of. them.
Beige Flags (not really good... not really bad)
Book Over Movie
If you put on a movie, there’s a 60% chance I’ll sit next to you and quietly read a book instead. It’s not personal — I just really like books. (Unless it’s Superman or a rom-com. Then you have my full attention.)
Sneaky Lyric Drops
I try to sneak song lyrics into everyday conversation like it’s a game. Sadly, no one ever notices — which might be my Roman Empire.
Jennifer Coolidge Impersonation
I can do a killer Jennifer Coolidge impression, and I will pull it out when you least expect it. Unfortunately, that’s where my impersonation skills end. My British accent is a disaster and should probably be illegal.
Cleaning Frenzies
At completely random times during the week, I will turn into a super neat freak and deep-clean for 2–3 hours straight. Do not distract me — I’m locked in. Somehow, this is my way of “putting my life back together.”
Chronically Overcommitted
I will say yes to everything — projects, events, songwriting, helping friends move — and then dramatically complain about how busy I am while secretly loving every second of the chaos.
Green Flags
Personal Songwriter
If you earn it, you will get a love song — and that is the highest honor I can give.
Not Easily Offended
Life is hard enough; it would be so exhausting to be offended all the time. I prefer to laugh things off, keep it light, and save my energy for what actually matters.
’80s Music Enthusiast
I will unapologetically blast ’80s music at all hours — in the car, while cleaning, while writing. And yes, I consider that a green flag.
Easy Laugh
I laugh pretty easily — even at dumb jokes. If it’s even remotely funny, I’m probably already giggling.
Good Listener
I genuinely love hearing people’s stories — the big ones and the random little ones. If you start talking about something you’re passionate about, I’ll be locked in like it’s a TED Talk.
Let’s Things Roll Off
Quick barbs and jabs? I’ll get mad for five minutes, then decide it’s not worth my energy and move on. Life’s too short to stay salty.
Vintage-Style Affection
I prefer linking arms over holding hands — picture a sweet little grandma holding onto her husband’s elbow while they walk. That’s me. There’s just something cozier and more grounding about it. Also think that’s a green flag…
Closing Thoughts
So there you have it — my red, beige, and green flags, laid out for the internet like a personality résumé.
If you’ve made it this far, congratulations — you now know way too much about me. Applications to date me are technically open, but please be prepared that you may or may not end up on Spotify….
But in all seriousness — it’s good to be able to laugh at your quirks, own them, and put them out there. Especially in the darker moments of history, it’s important to breathe and notice the little gumdrops God drops along your path. Those tiny bits of sweetness keep us going.
Now it’s your turn — what are your red, beige, and green flags? (Asking for a friend… and possibly my next song.)
Until Next Time,
P.S.
Let me know if you like seeing a thumbnail image at the top of the post instead of just words — I’m playing around with making the blog look a little more fun!
